Thursday, November 10, 2011
red light winter
I've been acting since I was 9 years old. There has never been anything else I've wanted to do, no other vocation has ever called to me. On occasion I've tried to shove the square peg of a different career into the round hole of my life, but obviously it has never worked.
However, lately I've started to become a bit disillusioned--a bit lazy. I have led an incredibly blessed life of almost constant employment and seem to have entered a strange age limbo--too old and too young to be cast properly. I have always been very ambitious in my pursuit of work, but lately I've become a bit paralyzed with fear.
Sweet P noticed the fear in me most poignantly. He told me he could see the fear in me on stage. That terrified me. I went back to therapy and, not surprisingly, it has helped. I've started filling my life with objects, habits and people who thrill and inspire me. More difficultly, I've started removing objects, habits and people from my life who don't deserve to be play a part.
The photo above is from a reading of an incredibly difficult show. It was thrilling, inspiring and, most importantly, my scrappy idea.
I feel I'm coming back to myself--stepping back into the Emily shaped space.