week 1 day 5

Glass, originally uploaded by E.L.A.

In which I quit the Whole Living Action Plan.

I find that I don't feel better. I find that I feel paranoid, self-diminishing and anxiety ridden. All I think about is food. Is this enough food? Am I eating enough calories? Am I eating too many? Should I be eating more vegetables or is that bad for the IBS? Do I really have IBS? Can't I just have one glass of wine? What does that say about me? Do I have a drinking problem? Blah, blah, emmer-effing blah.

I don't think this is the way the Whole Living Action Plan intends one to feel. It certainly isn't helping me. For the last 24 hours I have been possessed by the conversation a costume designer and draper had about my body during my fitting:

Designer: It's pulling there at the belly.

Draper: Yeah, but I think that's just...

Designer: ...Christmas?

I mean. Ugh. I mean. Really? I know it's all in good fun and that the fitting is about the design coming to life and that my body is more of a hanger than anything else, but... ugh, really? This plan is supposed to be about empowering me to turn a leaf in the mindful approach to my own health, but I find I feel worse than I did when I started.

That's not entirely true. I find that I taste the sweetness in fruits and vegetables in a much more profound way than I did before. I find that I feel better without the sugar and dairy. So, there is that.

I think my new action plan will be to continue to avoid sugar, dairy and gluten, and to join the YMCA.